Maybe we can start again
by ches
Summary: maybe she made a mistake.. and maybe it's too late to make things right again
1. Fall away

Hey there :)

I try to translate my german fic, because there aren't so many people who will read it in german and where is the fun in writing when there is nobody who will read it. So please.. if there are too many faults don't punish me (especially when it comes to tenses, punktuation and of course the setting (because it's obvious that I'm not from the usa :P)). I would really appreciate that ^^

The songs I use are mostly from The Fray. Have fun (I hope *s*)

and.. gilmore girls and the songs are not mine

**Fall away **

_That could make you come back down  
You made up your mind to leave it all behind  
Now you're forced to fight it out _

_You fall away from your past  
But it's following you _

It was warm outside and the sun was shining in her face. She kept one hand over her face and looked around. Most of the houses were surrounded by walls or high fences so nobody could look inside. _There's nothing like the privacy of society_. She smiled. Some things never changed, no matter where you are. She turned off her shoes and walked down the street. Long walks weren't something she was doing every day and her feet were burning. She could have used a cab but after a long flight it was good to move, besides in this way she could see more from the city she would live in the next years.

_You left something undone,  
It's now your rerun  
It's the one you can't erase  
You should have made it right,  
So you wouldn't have to fight  
To put a smile back on your face _

_You fall away from your past  
But it's following you  
You fall away_

The decision to come here wasn't difficult. Except the discussions she had with herself the last three weeks. The whole tour she had the feeling she wasn't herself. Something was missing. Something important. She told herself that this feeling would go away.. soon or later. That work would keep her busy and this was all she wanted. _World wide open._ She sighed. How stupid she was. What the hell made her think that sleeping in hotels and life out of a little bag was the right thing for her. Far away from her mother. _Gee!_ She didn't even make it the first night in Yale without her. But she quickly realized that missing her mother wasn't the big black cloud over her head and that scared her.

_Something I've done  
That I can't outrun  
Maybe you should wait  
Maybe you should run  
But there's something you've  
Said that can't be undone _

_And you fall away from your past  
But it's following you _

She shook her head if it could take away her thoughts and stopped. She had reached the end of the street and was standing in front of a house that was slightly away from the others. It was smaller and not so fancy like the other ones. Behind high bushes on both sides of the house, she could see a part of a backyard.

She breathed deeply and turned her shoes on.

_Time to get back on the track Gilmore!_

_You fall away  
It's following you_

_

* * *

_

It's very short.. but if you don't think that I blemish your language the next chapter will have more words and more content :)


	2. It's for You

**It's for you**

_When the winds come and they blow  
when the rains turn to sleet and snow  
when the waters rage at the sea  
bitter cold but you warm me  
it's for you I walk through a storm  
it's for you I lay me down  
there is nothing that I wouldn't do for you  
when you call I'll be right there  
i'll turn my world right around for you  
don't you see, don't you see I'm here  
only for you I walk through a storm  
only for you I lay me down_

_

* * *

_

"Miss Gilmore?" a little chubby roman about 60 asked her as she walked up the stairs up to the porch.

"Mrs. Chapman. It's nice to meet you."

"The pleasure is mine. Your grandmother had told me so much of you."

Rory shook her hand and smiled. Typically Emily Gilmore. Not only she talked her into a "reasonable" place to live than a one-room-apartment, no, she hired also a realtor to make sure that the living situation fits a Gilmore. She wasn't mad at her grandmother. After all she only wants to make sure her little granddaughter was ok. Even so Rory make clear to her that in her current situation it was wise to only rent an object not buying it.

"Only good things I hope?"

"Of course!" she exclaimed. "I can't believe there should be any bad things to tell about such a lovely woman like you. Please follow me."

Rory blushed lightly. Apparently her grandmother didn't tell her about breaking the heart of her boyfriend for which, as she was sure, she would burn in hell.

Mrs. Chapman opened the door and asked her in.

"As you can see, this house is compared to the other ones, rather modest. But I remember your grandmother told me modest is something that goes for you."

Rory smiled again. Something told her, her lips won't turn into a normally mode soon this afternoon. Mrs. Chapman was really nice.. but Rory could imagine herself in a situation which was more comfortable. Her mind was far away from playing the smiling, little granddaughter of Emily Gilmore.

"Maybe you would like to first look around here and if you're ready we can go upstairs."

They were standing in a bright open room with white walls. The living room was completely furnished. In the middle of the room was a couch, which seems to be more like something to sit on. It looks more like a big mattress.

"The owner doesn't want anything of the furniture. If you like some of these you can take them. If not the Salvation Army will take care of it." Mrs. Chapman said.

Rory raised an eyebrow. It looked like all in this house were very well planned. Everything matched. Why should someone furnished a whole house, and it looked like he or she made a big effort to even made it a home, only to give it away for free.

"And don't worry. Nothing had been used yet. The owner never lived here. Poor young man!" "She shook her head as if something sad had happened and led Rory upstairs.

She was curious about what had happened to the poor guy but something told her Mrs. Chapman would soon or later fill her in.

"This is the master bedroom." Mrs. Chapman opened the door at the end of the corridor. "There are a bathroom and a walk-in closet."

Rory looked into the closet and her eyes began to sparkle. It was huge. "What more can a woman asked for than a big room to put her shoes in?"

"I think this is what the owner thought when he broke down the wall between the master bedroom and the room which was actually for children. It's a pity!" Rory started to feel rather uncomfortable. Everything she had seen so far was nearly perfect, including the furniture. Why should the owner left all this behind. _Maybe this is a crime scene. Or some haunted house._ She chuckled. Her mother would love this. She would mock her 'til Rory would hear sounds which weren't even there.

Rory noticed that Mrs. Chapman looked at her eagerly. She had the feeling Mrs. Chapman begged her for asking what had happened.

She sighed. "What is a pity?"

"Well, actually I don't gossip." _Of course not! _Rory thought as they went downstairs again. _She's an old friend of her grandmother. Of course she isn't into gossip._

"But if I don't tell you, you might think something awful happened in this house and it would be too bad if a wrong assumption would keep you off renting this object." She blinked one eye conspiratorially. "But maybe I show you the last room first. Your grandmother told me that this is something you would really enjoy which would make me really happy."

She opened a door right next to stairs.

"You know, we're here in sunny California. Most of the people don't spend too many times sitting in a room reading."

Rory entered the room and held her breath. The library wasn't as big as the living room but still spacious. Dark bookshelves were standing at three of the four walls. She walked to one of them and stroked the dark wood carefully.

"The owner insists not to change this room. The bookshelves were especially made for.."

Rory only listened with half an ear. It was perfect. She walked to the big armchair standing in the corner right next to the window. She could picture herself sitting right there drowning in some of her books, working on a paper for the San Francisco Chronicle or only starring at these wonderful bookshelves filled with all of her books.

".. but apparently she didn't want to. Poor young man! Everything for her an nobody seemed to care.

Slowly Rory snapped out of her daydream and she noticed Mrs. Chapman speaking.

"Do you understand?" she asked. "Bad memories I think. Maybe he only wants to move on and get rid of everything in here. He really seemed to be relieved when I told him I got a promising visit this afternoon."

Rory nodded. She didn't catch exactly what Mrs. Chapman was talking about her future renter. Yes, her future renter. She had made her decision.

"I would like to rent it." She moved her head from one side to another. She realized how exhausted she was. "As soon as possible."

"You could move in right now if you want. I told you could keep the furniture if you like and I've got the contract right here."

"That would be nice." Rory smiled. So far so good

"But there is still a box from the owner in the closet upstairs. If you don't mind I tell him he could come over tonight and pick it up."

Rory nodded. "That's fine." For the first time she looked outside the window into the little backyard and suddenly she had to swallow. It was tiny but she could definitely make out what it was.

An avocado tree.


	3. You could be happy

Hey there :)

It seems my English is actually not too bad.. so here is the next chapter. (thanks for reviewing )

This song is not from The Fray. It's from Snow Patrol. A little excurses because it fits

* * *

**You could be happy**

She was sitting in the library trying to concentrate on the book she was reading. She failed. Again and again she switched between staring at the bookshelves and outside the window.

_Too perfect.._

She sighed and looked on her watch. An hour ago she'd called the moving company to bring her stuff which they had stored for the time she was living in a hotel.

Actually she thought about leaving all her things were they are. After all she had no plans to stay here for a long time. But then doubts rose in her mind. What if the road on which she traveled didn't lead her the way she wanted.

One week in Palo Alto and she hadn't managed to visit him.

_The end of the road wasn't difficult to reach but the way down there was terrifying._

She sighed again and walked into the living room. _But maybe the road led to a dead end._

She plunked down on the couch.

When she decided to collect the pieces of her life everything seemed so easy. She would go to him, apologize and everything is going to be alright. _And they were living happily ever after._

Then she remembered all the postcards she had sent to his office and the emails. And getting no response. It's not that she wrote anything related on turning down his proposal or about their relationship. Mainly because she thought she made the right decision. She only wanted to stay in touch. Was it so hard to understand? Three years and suddenly silence. She had the feeling of having a right to know if he was ok and how everything works for him. She had the feeling he had the right to know how she was doing too. As she realized he wasn't going to answer, she also realized he didn't want that right and she had forfeited hers.

_And all the things that I wished I had not said  
Are played on lips 'till it's madness in my head _

_Is it too late to remind you how we were  
But not our last days of silent, screaming, blur _

The realization was followed by sleepless nights and awakening with red eyes in the night only to notice the place next to her was empty. At daytime she tried to dispel the emptiness with work only to receive it again with open arms at the end of day. Stronger than before.

_Most of what I remember makes me sure  
I should have stopped you from walking out the door _

_You could be happy, I hope you are  
You made me happier than I'd been by far _

_

* * *

_

_Finally! _He sighed, shutting his cell phone and walking up to the bathroom, trying not to trip over some of the boxes spread all over the place. Eight month and he didn't even manage to get unpacked.

He ran his hand over his face. Actually it wasn't such a miracle. The last month he plunged into work only to forget. He wasn't at home often only to catch some sleep, a shower or a change of clothes. _Home. _

He laughed derisively. This wasn't supposed to be his _home_.

He looked into the mirror. _Crap! _He looked pale and there was a hint of dark circles around his eyes. He looked at his watch and decided that there was plenty of time to take a shower.

Not only he really needed one, maybe, if it's cold enough, it would help to clear his head before facing the "big pain". He opened the cabinet and took out a small bottle of shampoo. The effect of using it would oppose the effect of a cold shower but he didn't mind.

"_Not that you don't smell good. You are. Really. I can confirm that. But everybody should keep a little bottle of shampoo. I don't want to imply Europeans are smelling.(Of course they not :P) I didn't even know many Europeans. And if I think of them, I think they actually smell ok. But who knows what a shampoovialspolitics they have in England. You know. Maybe they have only some sort of curd soap." _

_He smirked "You know, I heard the scent of Prince Harry is very _overwhelmingly_. Maybe he could lent me some of his curd soap and all the young English ladies would.."_

_She slapped him playfully. "Oh you're such a playboy Huntzberger."_

He was standing under the shower his head leaning against the wall. _How pathetic,_ he thought turning the water colder only to wash away the pain which came with the memories.

_Somehow everything I own smells of you  
And for the tiniest moment it's all not true _

When he had finished he walked to his bedroom and opened his drawer. He took out his socks 'til he saw a package of postcards and a little jewelry box. He took the postcards only to stare at the last one. There were only three words on it. _Are you happy?._

_Pathetic!_

_Do the things that you always wanted to  
Without me there to hold you back, don't think, just do _

_re than anything I want to see you go  
Take a glorious bite out of the whole world_


	4. How to save a life

**How to save a life**

"Fine! I get it." She mumbled as she tried to drag a box with some of her books into the library. _Great Gilmore! Telling them to just put all your stuff in the living room. _

She collapsed on the couch. _Maybe some spinach would help._ _Or chinese food._

She looked on her watch. The deliveryman should be here fast if he didn't want to meet a starving Gilmore. The bell rang. _Good for you boy._ She paid her food and took it inside.

As she sat down and examine her selection of chinese food she hoped it was good.

She didn't have the strength to survive this evening of unpacking without food.

"Crap!" she squeaked as she opened a small bowl of soup spilling nearly all of the soup over her shirt.

"Hot! Hot! Hot!" Quickly she turned it off and threw it into the sink. _Just great! _

While she was searching for something to wear Joey Ramones sang his very own version of "What a wonderful world". _Yeah wonderful. Really. _As she discovered the third box of books she wondered

why she didn't write the contents on it.

A box with the headline "Clothes" really had helped. She opened the next one and closed her eyes while she took out a shirt which was wrapped around a long

object.

_Just wonderful!_

Suddenly Joey stopped singing. "I'm sorry. I knocked but.."

She swung around and gasped. She unwrapped the shirt and tried to hide her half naked torso, the object still in her hands. _What the..?_

"I.." she stuttered. This was definitely not the way of meeting she had pictured in her mind the last weeks. She blushed and turned around to get dressed.

_God! He knows you like this already. There's nothing to be ashamed of._

She turned around to face him again only to see him walking towards the door. It was really strange but was this really his way to handle with this situation? Walking away? _Again? _

She stared at his back and felt like she was taken back to the day of her graduation. She let him go. God knows why but she did. But now she was here to put together what belongs together.

"Wait!" she exclaimed.

He didn't turn around but stopped dead in his tracks.

"Logan, please!" she pleaded taking one hand on his shoulders trying to turn him around.

He didn't move.

"Please." She almost begged trying to hold back the tears.

As he finally turned around to face her, she could felt her heart broke into tiny pieces. He looked thin and pale with little dark circles around his eyes. There was nothing from the man she used to know.

She tried to figure out what he was thinking right now. Looking in his eyes her heart ached. There was pain and bitterness. But the disappointment she saw made her heart ached even more.

_Step one you say we need to talk  
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk  
He smiles politely back at you  
You stare politely right on through  
Some sort of window to your right  
As he goes left and you stay right  
Between the lines of fear and blame  
And you begin to wonder why you came_

_Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend  
Somewhere along in the bitterness  
And I would have stayed up with you all night  
Had I known how to save a life_

"Don't go. Please." She held his hand and tried to lead him to the couch but he shook her hand off. Her eyes filled with tears. She wasn't prepared for this coincident. Neither of them was.

"Logan, please! Say something."

He opened his mouth but didn't say a word.

"What are you doing here?" she whispered didn't know what else to say.

"What am I doing here? This is my house! What are you doing here?" he echoed looking at the floor. _Why couldn't he face me? Wait! His house?_

"I.." she sat down on the couch and stared at him. _Our house.. _"I'm here because I've got a job here."

His head snapped back and she already knew that this wasn't the right answer. His eyes went dark and he clenched his jaw.

"So you here, as I remember the last place on earth you would like to be, because of work?" he asked through his gritted teeth, his voice full of disbelief and disdain.

"It isn't the last place on earth for me. Not at all." The last words were only a whisper.

"Oh, I remember as I asked you to marry me, working in California weren't really an option to you. You remember too? The whole world-wide-open-thing? And now you're here in the town I live in.

Didn't you find a job somewhere else?" he spat out.

Rory crooked and looked down to her feet. "I didn't come here to bother you. I wanted to.."

He cut her off. "Don't waste your breath! I get it! San Francisco wasn't an option because of me. You just didn't love me, at least not that much to marry me. "

"I told you that wasn't the reason." She nearly screamed but he didn't even listen.

"Here we are. Month later and I finally get it. What fortunate coincidence our meeting here. Isn't it funny you're now living in the house you didn't want a few months ago?" He looked around.

"At least I know that you would have liked it. I was really scared of showing it to you but, you know, all this special things.."

"Logan!"

_Let him know that you know best  
Cause after all you do know best  
Try to slip past his defense  
Without granting innocence  
Lay down a list of what is wrong  
The things you've told him all along  
And pray to god he hears you  
And pray to god he hears you_

_Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend  
Somewhere along in the bitterness  
And I would have stayed up with you all night  
Had I known how to save a life_

"Can we please go back to the topic?"

_What happened?_ This was going the wrong way. Sure, she thought about him being angry and hurt but she thought they could handle it.

It never crossed her mind that he could be as mad at her as he was now. It never crossed her mind that he could misread her decision. Did he really think he was the reason for turning down his proposal?

_As he begins to raise his voice  
You lower yours and grant him one last choice  
Drive until you lose the road  
Or break with the ones you've followed  
He will do one of two things  
He will admit to everything  
Or he'll say he's just not the same  
And you'll begin to wonder why you came_

"Oh!" he exclaimed. "I thought we were on the topic. Let me just summarize so that we both know the general conditions which brought us to this conversation. We loved each other, or at least I thought we did, I wanted to spend my life with you. You didn't. Then, after month of silence, we met here again. In a city you didn't wanted to live and, that's the most hilarious thing, in exactly the same house I bought for our life together. I think that's it. Are you agreeing?"

_Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend  
Somewhere along in the bitterness  
And I would have stayed up with you all night  
Had I known how to save a life_

"No I don't" she shouted. "I told you I wasn't ready! I told you I loved you and we can do long-distance. There wasn't silence after all."

He was so angry_. _This all went wrong. How could he be so patronizing? She knew he was really hurt but how could he summarize their past in a few sentence trivializing their whole relationship?

"I didn't want to do long-distance!" he shouted back."I wanted to have you right by my sight, as my wife. I wanted to promise that I will love you forever. I wanted you and I thought you wanted me too. But obviously I was wrong. The whole-wide-world-thing wasn't the reason! You just didn't want to stick with me in a marriage. And some postcards saying 'Hey I'm here I'm there. The sun is shining. The campaign trail is awesome. How are you?' doesn't count. So if you don't mind, now that I get the whole dimension of our past relationship, I will go." He turned around and moved towards the door, his face red from screaming.

"I told you I wasn't ready." She whispered. "And I'm here because of you."

"Are you?" he asked not looking at her. "A little late, don't you think?." And he was gone.

_Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend  
Somewhere along in the bitterness  
And I would have stayed up with you all night  
Had I known how to save a life_

_How to save a life__  
__  
_


	5. You found me

**You found me**

_I found god  
On the corner of First and Amistad  
Where the west  
Was all but won  
All alone  
Smoking his last cigarette  
I said, "Where you've been"  
He said "Ask anything"_

_

* * *

_

_This wasn't real right?_ _It couldn't be._

He sat in his car in front of the house he just had left. His head rested on the steering wheel. He was unable to move. _Why is she here? In this house? _He sighed. He knew he wasn't a showpiece of a nice guy and he had made many, many wrong choices in his life, but really, had he deserved such a punishment? The last eight month he wished nothing more than her coming back to him. That she would change her mind and he could forget about the embarrassing moment the day before her graduation. When she didn't answer, he knew she would turn down his proposal. The graduation day was only for facing the truth and let her stab him with a sword. Yes a sword. The 'No' wasn't a tiny little dagger; it was a large rusty sword.

The whole week after this 'incident' he waited. Waited for her to come back. She didn't. He should've known better. She didn't even call to say goodbye. Three years and she didn't even care.

_Where were you  
When everything was falling apart  
All my days were spent by the telephone  
That never rang  
And all I needed was a call  
That never came  
To the corner of First and Amistad_

Eight month. She was more beautifully than ever. As he knocked on the door earlier he only wanted to say hello to the new dweller, take the box he left there and leave all this behind. Who would have thought he would see her standing there, half naked, with this fucking rocket in her hand? _True love._ He scoffed. _Screw it! _

With one last look at the house he started his car and drove away.

_Lost and insecure  
You found me, you found me  
Lying on the floor  
Surrounded, surrounded  
Why'd you have to wait?  
Where were you? Where were you?  
Just a little late  
You found me, you found me_

Back at his apartment he noticed that he had forgotten the box. It doesn't matter_. _He would rather spend a weekend with his father than seeing Rory again. _Crying_. When he saw her sitting there crying he had the urged feeling to embrace her. He hated to see her cry. But he choked the feeling. She wasn't the innocent part in this drama. He had the right to be hurt and angry not she. Sure, he issued an ultimatum, and maybe it wasn't right, but the rejection gave him the feeling that there wasn't space for him in her life, neither on the pro side nor on the con. He would have risked everything for her and she just threw him away. After all she was the most to blame. _God! I really could need a drink_. He walked over to his house bar, took a glass and filled it with scotch. After one sip he took the whole bottle and went to his bedroom. The postcards were still lying on the bed. He looked over to his open drawer and took the little blue box out. He moaned and slumped down on his bed. After another big sip of scotch he opened the box. Staring at the ring he remembered the feeling of rejection and squirmed. He was such a wimp, lying here on his bed mourning. _Face the truth Huntzberger! She had made a softy out of you. _He wasn't the same since he met her. Actually he really liked his new self. Since she left. He wasn't used to mourning and suffering. And he didn't like it. Facing her today didn't make it easier. _Pathetic! You really get used to this adjective Huntzberger. It fits perfectly. _

"Damn it!" he shouted and threw the box against the wall.

_But in the end  
Everyone ends up alone  
Losing her  
The only one who's ever known  
Who I am  
Who I'm not, who I wanna be  
No way to know  
How long she will be next to me_

_Lost and insecure  
You found me, you found me  
Lying on the floor  
Surrounded, surrounded  
Why'd you have to wait?  
Where were you, where were you?  
Just a little late  
You found me, you found me_

_

* * *

_

_Early morning  
City breaks  
I've been calling  
for years and years and years and years  
And you never left me no messages  
You never sent me no letters  
You got some kind of nerve  
Taking all I want_

She was lying on the couch curled up in a ball, her head pounding from crying. She looked around trying to figure out where she was. _The Rocket!_ She closed her eyes. _That never happened right? _She groaned and tried to stand up. While she was making coffee she tried to recall everything that had happened the last night. There was Logan standing in front of her yelling. He looked awful. He was awful. He didn't let her explain. He didn't want her to explain.

She glanced over to the things which were spread all over the couch. _Logan's things_. After he left she broke down and cried. Trying to understand what's going on. Why he was here, why they were yelling at each other and why he left without letting her explain. Then she walked upstairs and brought the box downstairs. She didn't want to sniff but she also wanted to know what's in this box he had left here. After she had taken all of the things out of the box she cried even more. There were pictures of them at Martha's Vineyard, at her 21th birthday, at the party he made for her after the boat incident, at the party she made for him before leaving for London and from the Life and Death Brigade gathering. Two of them she hadn't seen before but she remembered the circumstances. The first on was shot right before the 'jump'. She looked up to Logan while she grabbed his hand. _You jump, I jump, Jack._ The other one was taken right after the jump. They were smiling at each other as if they already knew. _A_ _lifetime experience.._ She sighed and looked around again. Now she understand what Mrs. Chapman meant when she said 'poor young man`. This was meant to be their home. She shook her head. Why didn't she catch it? _Because it was absurd! _Sure there were some hints, like the bookshelves or the avocado tree. But seriously.. how should she know? She thought this house was perfect for her. Little did she know how perfect it really was. She took a cup of coffee and went into the library. Sitting in the armchair she closed her eyes and cried again.

_Lost and insecure  
You found me, you found me  
Lying on the floor  
Where were you, where were you?_

_Lost and insecure  
You found me, you found me  
Lying on the floor  
Surrounded, surrounded  
Why'd you have to wait?  
Where were you, where were you?  
Just a little late  
You found me, you found me_

_Why'd you have to wait?  
To find me, to find me_


	6. Your own disaster

Here's the next one. The story will be longer than I've expected, so I need to use some other songs (not only from the fray)

So the last chapter were quite sad this one will be different because I think every good Rogan needs a little action including a furious Rory, an overchallenged Logan, a curios audience, some cusses and, of course, an annoying chatty floozy .

(The song's called (obviously) your own disaster from taking back sunday)

* * *

**Your own disaster**

It was noon. The whole morning she had sat in the library, unable to move. First she thought it was a decree of fate but now she felt like every little thing in this house would drive her mad. Now, she was entirely aware of the whole meaning of this house and everything reminded her of Logan. She sighed. Something she had done way to much the last 30 hours. This wasn't good. She needed to get out of here before she would be ringing for the funny farm. She walked to the bathroom and looked into the mirror. Maybe she should introduce herself to a ghost train. She wouldn't even need any of make-up to look scary. But the shirt she was wearing would alleviate the effect. 'Don't hassel the Hoff'. She had an urged feeling to punch the face of David Hasselhoff, smirking at her through the mirror. She choked the feeling; in fact she only would hurt herself by punching her own belly. There was no need to be worried about her scary appearance. But after she'd brushed her teeth and washed her face she felt better. _Say goodbye to wallowing, say hello to facing the truth! _As she put her hair in a pigtail she bowed her head to the side. Maybe she should cut her hair. Didn't they say, changes in life require changes in hairstyles? Her mom would love to dye her hair pink or green and make her own version of 'Edward with the scissorhands'. Unfortunately her new employer wouldn't be pleased with that. The bell rang and Rory raised an eyebrow. Once again she looked in the mirror. Luckily the ghost train would now reject her.

As she opened the door he found herself facing a long-legged, blond haired woman (we really need some prejudices). _Wow! There're cheap women spread all over the world. _Rory tried to understand how make-up and a dump expression could do such a great job in arousing a really cheap impression. Her reporterbrain failed.

"Yes?" she asked her visitor.

The blond woman shoved her away and walked in.

"Excuse me? Can I help you?" Rory was totally stunned. What the hell was this floozy thinking?

"I'm Kendra." She pointed out looking around.

Rory crossed her arms, now standing in front of the woman, and glared at her. "And?"

"Oh, he didn't tell you?" she asked.

"Who? Would you mind not talking in riddles? I'm really busy and don't have time for this."

Kendra sized her up and looked contemptuously. "Really? Whatever. I'm here for the box."

"What box?" _God! She really got nerves! Could she even speak in whole sentences?_

"From the owner."

Rory winced. "What?"

"I'm his, well, let us say, intern."

"Really? Is that so?" She said, trying to choke her rage.

"Where is it?"

Rory glanced at the couch. She was glad that she already had put the things back earlier.

"This is it I assume."

Rory only nodded.

"Well, then I will take it and.."

"You don't" Rory planted herself in front of Kendra, her arms still crossed, and glared at her.

"I think that's not your decision." Kendra reached out for the box, but suddenly stopped.

Rory looked behind her, only to find the two pictures from her and Logan at the Life and Deathbrigade event lying on the couch.

Kendra looked back to her and Rory couldn't figure out if there was a hint of compassion or arrogance in her eyes.

"Oh!" Kendra pointed out knowingly. "That explains your wretched, red eyes. Pity.. You know, you shouldn't cry because of him. I'm sure you've been aware of the fact, that he would dump you when the fun is over, aren't you? Lucky for me!" She smiled boastfully.

Rory clenched her jaw. She thought she would never felt this way before. Humiliated and disappointed. But here she was. Standing in front of a woman who smiled at her while she was trying to hold her tears back.

"Out." She whispered through her teeth.

"Fine! Go back to wallowing." Kendra said. "But before I go I take that.."

"Get out!" Rory yelled and pushed her out of the house. "And tell Logan 'Fuck you!'"

She closed the door and let herself sank to the floor. Leaning against the door she tried to understand what this mess meant. Understanding was really something she miserable failed in at this times. She glanced over to the box which was still standing on the couch. After a few seconds she stood up and grabbed it. _Fuck you, Logan! You're not worth the effort._

_Just think of this and me  
as just a few of the many things  
to lie around  
to clutter up your shelves  
And I wish you weren't worth the wait  
because there are some things  
I'd like to say to you..._

"Miss? Can I help you?" The women on the desk asked looking skeptically at her.

"Huntzberger!"

"Excuse me?"

"Where is he?"

"Miss I'm sorry but he is.." the woman glanced to the side and back to her.

Rory followed her glance. "There, right?" she pointed to the office with transparent walls.

She walked towards the closed door. "Miss! You can't just.." The woman tried to catch her but Rory already opened the door to Logans office.

He was sitting on a large table, talking to someone on the phone. As he looked up he stopped speaking.

The woman from the front desk finally reached them. "I'm sorry Mr. Huntzberger. She didn't listen and.."

Logan said goodbye to the one on the other side of the telephone and hung up. "It's ok Jane." She walked out and closed the door.

"Seriously Logan?" she shouted at him, slamming the box on his desk.

He stood up and shut the vertical blinds so the people outside couldn't see them. She stared at him, her arms crossed in front of her. He didn't say anything. He just stood there staring back.

After a few moments he coughed.

"Seriously? Don't hassel with the Hoff?" he asked with a small smile on his face.

_And I dare you to forget  
the marks you left  
across my neck  
from those nights when we were both  
found at our best  
Now I could make this obvious,  
and you, you could deny me  
all in one breath  
you could shrug me off  
your shoulders..._

"Don't try to change the subject, Huntzberger. I'm really close to ignoring the voice in my head which tells me not to hurt you physically and following the advice of the other one telling me to rip of your fucking head."

"Are you threatening me?"

"What is wrong with you? Do you think this is funny? As I remember you didn't find it funny yesterday."

"I didn't forget." He told her his voice now shaking a little bit. "Is the box the only reason you're here? Because I really got to work and.."

"Fuck you!"

"Excuse me?"

"You heard right. Fuck you! You know what, Logan? I felt really sorry the last few weeks and especially yesterday but now I think everybody has their own package to carry. Have a nice day." She got ready to leave as Logan grasped her wrist.

"And what would that be?"

"I'm not the only one here to blame, Logan. You wanted to make me feel guilty, congratulation; it nearly had worked if there hadn't been this little floozy of yours knocking on my door this noon. You know what? Maybe you should take the whole box and make a little fire because the result of burning all these things of our past is everything what there is of it." She didn't care how loud she was. She didn't give a damn about the sudden silence outside his office and she didn't care crying.

_And I don't think that  
you know what  
you've been missing  
'Cause I don't think that  
you know what  
you've been missing_

"You looked inside?" he asked staring now at the box.

"It doesn't matter!" She managed to get rid of his grasp.

"I'm sorry." He whispered. "I was over challenged. I didn't expecting seeing you there. And I was hurt and angry and.."

"You think you're the only one left hurt and angry? You walked away! Twice!" her voice was shaking. "I came here for you. I wanted to talk and you left without giving me a chance to explain. You know what? I had a job offering from the New York Times. I turned down the New York Times because I thought there is still something left to fight for." She shook her head in disbelief. "I turned down the Times because of you. The Times, Logan! God I'm so stupid. I should've known better. Don't blame me for turning down your proposal. Don't imply my love for you was nothing than a freak of nature, if you have already a new bimbo in your pants." She scoffed. "How could you've been so serious about loving and merrying me when you get over it so quickly?"

As she wanted to open the door, it already opened and Kendra was coming in.

"Back to the roots, eh?" Rory muttered and glared at Logan who looked helpless.

"Hey there!" Kendra smiled at Logan. "It sounded like you were in trouble with this little frump here and I thought I come in and rescue the one who signs my paychecks." She walked over to him and placed a kiss on his cheek, giving Rory a little pejorative glance.

"Eeewh boy!" Rory couldn't believe it. "Did you even now what you were just saying?" She shook her head. "Nothing more to say Logan? Maybe something like 'It it's not what it looks like' or 'I can explain'?"

"He doesn't have to explain anything to you!" Kendra said instead of Logan. He didn't move or say a word. He only looked puzzled at Rory as if he didn't know what to do or to say.

"Wow, Logan. Loss of words? You let your little whore talking for you? You really should reconsider letting her talk anyway. It occurs to me that she couldn't speak in whole sentences. But of course, this wasn't a criterion to hire her. I bet she could do way more with her mouth to fulfill certain criteria."

"Jealous?" Kendra asked trying to put her arms around Logans neck but he shook her off.

"To be true? Yes, but not about this little thing between you two." Rory opened the door. "I'm out of your house as soon as possible. If there's anything left from you, do me a favor and don't send your little toy over for the time I'm still there. We're done here."

_I don't think that  
you know what  
you've been missing  
I don't think that  
you know what  
you've been missing_

_Just forget me  
it's that simple  
Just forget me  
it's that simple_


	7. Clocks

I know that there're many ways to interpret the lyrics of a song. I read an interpretation of the song Clocks by Coldplay on lyricinterpretations which is very close to my own interpretation. So if you don't understand why I picked this one you should read it :)

* * *

**Clocks**

He was still standing there. In the middle of his office. Unable to move. Puzzled and frustrated.

He blinked as if he had a daydream and the blinking would take him back to earth. Unfortunately an annoying, high-pitched voice tore him away and took him back into reality.

"What a bug!"

He looked to his side and rolled his eyes. _This has never happened! Again!_

"Excuse me?" he asked.

"Well this girl. Really, how pathetic can a girl be? And have you seen what she was wearing? Gosh! Who does she think she is?" Kendra tried to kiss him but he shoved her away.

"Actually she was my almost fiancé." He said annoyed.

"Oh! So you dumped her, right? Good decision. You deserve better."

_God! Was she really so stupid?_ He ran his hands through his hair and groaned.

"Go!" he muttered.

"What?" She looked at him questioningly.

"Go!" He shouted. "Get out of my sight!"

"But.." she looked at him in disbelief.

"Seriously! I want you to get the hell out of here and don't come back." He opened the door for her and showed her the way out. Shaking her head she moved out of the room and he slammed the door.

He walked up to his desk and opened the box. He stared at one of the pictures from the Life and Deathbrigade event. If he had seen at that time what he was seeing now..

They looked as if they were already head over heels in love with each other. He noticed some written words on the back of the photo but can't remember it was there before. He turned it around.

_Did you see what I see?_

He grabbed his jacket and walked out of his office. He noticed the curious glances of the stuff but he ignored them.

"I'm out for the day." He said to Jane and left the building. He didn't know where to go but he knew that he didn't want to go in his empty apartment,

so he just walked down the street aimlessly trying to collect his thoughts.

He didn't know what had happened the day before and now he have to deal with this strange situation in his office and Rorys confessions.

She turned down the Times.. But even if she did it for him, it didn't let him forget what he was going through since he turned him down..

_Lights go out and I can't be saved_  
_Tides that I tried to swim against_  
_Have brought me down upon my knees_  
_Oh I beg, I beg and plead singing_

He was still hurt and angry. Seeing her brought back everything. The nights in his old apartment, waiting for her to come back. The first nights in California. Alone. The feeling of rejection and not knowing why. God! Did she even know what he was going through? Did she really think she could come back in his life, apologize, and they could go on like nothing ever happened? Sure, she wanted to talk and he didn't but he wasn't ready. He didn't expect her so he wasn't ready for this talk but after a long discussion with his little friend called Scotch he finally thought it was the best for both of them to talk about this mess. But he forgot Kendra and after Rorys little riot in his office he assumed that ship has already sailed.

_Come out of things unsaid_  
_Shoot an apple off my head and a_  
_Trouble that can't be named_  
_A tiger's waiting to be tamed singing_

_You are_  
_You are_

Yes she had the right to be mad because of Kendra. It wasn't his best idea but he told Kendra to get his stuff right after he left the house. It was a stupid decision based on pain and anger. Maybe he wanted to hurt her. Maybe he wanted her to see that his life was going on. With or without her. His pride won the fight against the truth. He didn't want her to know his life was miserable without her, that he didn't look at any brunette without thinking of her. He could understand what Rory was thinking but was she expecting him living like a priest. He did, but that didn't matter. She didn't have the right to be mad at him because she was thinking he had someone else. Of course Kendra wasn't anything else than his assistant. He used to know her since years. She was the daughter of some of his father's friends and that's why he had given her an internship. They only went out twice since she was here and it was only another pathetic effort to go on. He didn't even sleep with her. He tried but it didn't work. His mind always drifted to Rory. He saw something, wanted to say something funny 'til he realized Kendra wouldn't understand because she wasn't Rory. _And obviously she's really stupid._ But in the end, it wasn't Rorys business anymore. She had left him. For nothing.

_Confusion never stops_  
_Closing walls and ticking clocks_  
_Gonna come back and take you home_  
_I could not stop that you now know singing_

_Come out upon my seas,_  
_Cursed missed opportunities_  
_Am I a part of the cure_  
_Or am I part of the disease, singing_

The whole nights he was thinking. Thinking about her, about himself, about the what ifs, about this whole mess. When he couldn't sleep he thought about calling her. But he didn't. When he was at the airport he thought about flying to her. But he didn't know where she was so he didn't. He didn't. And she didn't either. Until now. But instead of talking and figuring out he yelled, she cried and then she yelled and he was speechless.

_You are, you are, you are_  
_ You are, you are, you are_

_ And nothing else compares_  
_ And nothing else compares_  
_ And nothing else compares_

_Did you see what I see?_

He saw it. And he missed it.

He looked at his watch. He didn't notice it was getting dark already. Thinking of Rory let him forget the time. He sighed. Maybe another chat with his little friend wouldn't hurt.

_You are_  
_You are_

_Home, home where I wanted to go_  
_Home, home where I wanted to go_  
_Home, home where I wanted to go_  
_Home, home where I wanted to go_

* * *

So this was short and nothing really happened but the next one will be longer and they I think with a little more dialogue :)


	8. I apologize

I rewrote this one a few times because it was really difficult for me to write this all properly. There're so many things and sentence I would have used in a German fic but it wasn't that easy in English. So if there're some things sounding strange because I didn't find the right words I'm sorry :) And thanks for the reviews :)

Song: Krezip – I apologize

**I apologize**

She shouldn't have accepted the invitation in the first place. She didn't even know why exactly she did. After she left Logans office she bought a few papers and headed home. She really needed to find a new place for her to stay. As she sat on the couch with one of the papers and a cup of coffee her cell rang. She wasn't in the mood but she saw the number of her future co-worker she met at her job interview and she didn't want to make a bad impression. He invited her to come along with some of the other staff she would be working with and she agreed. A little distraction might be good and she would get to know her new colleagues. Dick, her co-worker, picked her up at seven and they were now sitting in a pub and Rory should enjoy it but she couldn't. Between all these questions about her time on the campaign trail and polite answers, her mind always drifted off to Logan. God! Why couldn't she just have fun without thinking of him? Especially after this Kendra-Thing. She should've known. That's Logan.

"Rory?"

She snapped out of her thoughts and looked questioningly at the girl sitting next to her.

"Are you ok?"

"Yes." She stammered. "I'm just a little tired. The whole moving thing is really exhausting." She smiled politely and stood up. "I should call a cab and head home."

"I could call it a night to." Dick said and stood up to. "I could drive you home."

"That would be great. It was really nice to meet you all. I think we see us next week." Rory smiled and waved goodbye.

When they arrived at her house she just wanted to step out of the car when she saw someone sitting on the porch of the house.

"Do you expecting someone?" Dick asked alarmed ready to step out of the car to protect her from whatever.

Rory shook her head but reached out to hold Dick back. "It's ok. I know him." She stepped out of the car.

"Thanks for the ride. It was really fun. I think we see us next week?" she smiled and closed the door. As the car drove away she remained standing where she got out of the car. She tried to make herself ready for another round of yelling and crying. She came to pick up the pieces of their relationship and now she got the feeling every single piece broke into another smaller one. Logan stood up and she sighed as she walked up to him. Maybe this was their last chance.

_It's taking over  
feels like familiar regret  
It gets me started  
there's many things I should have said  
I find it hard but, I'll try  
I'll try_

He looked more awful than the day before and she had the clue he had been drinking. She stopped in front of him and could smell the alcohol. _This isn't going to be good._

"Are you sleeping with him?"

"Are you sleeping with her?" She sat down at the stairs and looked everywhere but not at him. He really should know better than that. But she was too exhausted to fight again.

"No." he said simply shoving his hands in his pockets. He looked at her as if he wanted an answer.

"That's ridiculous Logan. You can't expect an answer from me."

He shrugged his shoulders. "Maybe not.." he staggered a little bit as he tried to sat down.

She looked at him. "You're drunk!" She pointed out.

"Of course I am!" he exclaimed. "What did you think I was going to do after our little encounter? Go back to work? Have a little fun with Kendra or someone else?"

"It would not be the first time." She wanted to take back the words right when she had spoken them but it was too late. His eyes went wide open and he stood up again.

"Wow.. Thank you." He said. "I totally forgot you're thinking that little of me."

She grabbed his hand as he turned around for leaving. He winced.

_For all the times  
For all the cries  
For all the pain I've caused  
I apologize  
Lay down my pride  
Give me one more chance before you walk away_

"I'm sorry." She whispered. "I didn't want to say that. I didn't mean it!"

"Yes you did." He looked at their hands rubbing her palm with his thumb. She shivered under his touch. "You did. You know, I really thought we're over this and I proved to you that's not who I am anymore. I wanted to marry you! I never see me getting married but with you everything changed and I told you so. But obviously you didn't believe me." He let off of her hand and suddenly she felt cold.

"I did believe you. And I'm sorry. I really am. I.. It's just that.. What else should I think? You sent another woman to collect your stuff totally aware of the fact I was there. I just.." She couldn't find the right words. She knew Logan wasn't lying when he said he didn't slept with her. She knew he had changed but their break-up was month ago and she couldn't expect him not to move on. After all she had tried it too.

"What Rory? What is it? Why are you here?" Logan interrupted her. "You told me you're here because of work, then you said you're here because of me. What do you want? Do you feel bad for dumping me? See if you could do anything to make you feel better? Did it worked by the other guys you devastated? That's what you're doing every time it's getting serious, isn't it? Some little charity and you could go on being the nice little girl. It's a doom loop. I really appreciate your efforts but I think I'm already a totally wreck without you twisting the knife by yelling at me, telling me to literally burn down our past relationship and playing with me like I'm a yoyo, thank you."

_Time goes by now  
But you can't seem to forget  
I took for granted  
All of the things that I had  
I know I hurt you  
Hear me out  
Hear me out_

He walked down the stairs. She wanted to say something so he would stop walking away but his words hurt her so much so she was at a loss of words and she didn't know what was hurting her more; the words by itself or him thinking of her like that. He was miserable without her? Well she didn't feel better either. She wanted to say how she felt. That the reason she yelled at him a few hours ago wasn't really Kendra. It was more like she felt left again when he walked away from her without letting her explain. But instead of telling him she did the only thing she was really good in: being defensive.

"You yelled at me too!" she whispered crossing her arms.

"I had every right to yell at you." He shouted looking at her.

"I'm sorry!" She stood up. The tears which she had tried to hold back the whole time now running down her cheeks. She was tired and this discussion was senseless. They spin around without getting to the point. She really wanted to make things work again. She felt so lost without him. _It's like losing him again and again and again._

_I understand the way you're feeling __(just don't walk away)__  
I know there are a million reasons __(you need to walk away)__  
I let you down but please just hear me out __(before you walk away)__  
Before you walk away_

"I'm sorry ok? I told you I am. I can't undo the things I've done or said, but I'm sorry. So please just let me explain.."

He shook his head. "You don't need to explain, Rory. We both know why this all happened. So let's keep it that way."

"When you didn't want to hear what I've have to say why are you here anyway?"

"Obviously I don't know. I'm drunk. I should go home."

"This should be your home." She whispered not looking at him.

"Yeah." He turned his back on her. "In another time, another space this should be my home."

_For all the times  
For all the cries  
For all the pain I've caused  
I apologize  
Lay down my pride  
Give me one more chance before you walk away_

She stared at him as he walked away without looking back. The easiest thing to do was to let him walk away. No yelling, no fighting. But she did it once before and that wasn't her best decision. _This isn't the way it's going to_ _end. _She ran after him. Grabbing his arm again she forced him to turn around.

"Rory.." he sighed trying to shove her off gently.

"No Logan! You can't just walk away again. Look at me!" He looked at her so she could see his eyes again.

"I'm not running away this time and we both know if you do we wouldn't get another chance to make things right. I know you're hurt. I'm too. But if you go now, you wouldn't come here again and I wouldn't try it again either. So please.. If you really think there is nothing to fight for then leave but if you think there is still something left just let us talk. Please…"

_Before you walk away_


	9. Battle

**Battle **(Colbie Callait)

He really didn't know why he told the driver to bring him here. He knew he was drunk. And he knew he wasn't in a good mood and his visit could become very ugly. But he really needed closure. There were two different scenarios he had thought about how this could be going. Either they would be doing the yelling-fighting-crying-thing again and figure things out or they would be doing the yelling-fighting-crying-thing again and didn't figure things out. Very simple but in his drunken state he couldn't put more effort in his visions. But he was sure this would be the last time he would talk about this whole mess.

He waited almost an hour until she came. This was time enough to get his head a little clearer but not enough to be sober and when she get out of the car he knew where this conversation would be leading. Blaming him for Kendra but going out a few hours later with some jerk. So he did the only thing which felt appropriate. He asked her if she was sleeping with this guy. Apparently not, but the damage was done. But it didn't cross his mind she would ask him to stay again. They fought. And the history speaks for itself.. when they were fighting one of them would run away. But now he was lying on the couch in her living room.

Rory asked him to stay and he stayed. He remembered sitting on her couch while she was making coffee and then he must have fallen asleep. It was 8 am and Rory was lying on the other corner of the couch, one arm stretched out in his direction. It looked like she has tried to put as much as distance between them except her hand which was lying slightly on his left hand. She looked very peaceful with a few strands of her hair falling in her face.

He missed her. He missed waking up next to her and looking at her while she was sleeping. He missed everything. He knew it before but tried to ignore it. Needed to ignore it. But now it was clearer than ever before. He sighed. He could lie here the whole time.. if there wasn't the big talk waiting again.

She moved slightly and opened her eyes.

"Hi." She smiled.

"Hi." He whispered.

_You thought we'd be fine  
All these years gone by  
Now you're asking me to listen  
Well then tell me 'bout everything  
No lies, we're losing time  
_

"You're still here?" He couldn't make out if this was a question or a statement.

"I am." He simply said.

"Is it a good sign?" She asked hopefully.

"I think so." He sat up straight without looking away and she did the same.

"So.."

"So.."

"Talk?"

She nodded.

_'Cause this is a battle  
And it's your final last call_

"I've missed you." She said looking at her hands.

"I know."

She looked up at him, tears in her eyes.

"I've missed you too." He couldn't help but to admit.

"This is our last chance, isn't it?" She paused when he didn't response immediately. "Or..not?"

"Rory.." He ran a hand through his hair. This wasn't easy. He wanted another chance for them but there was so much unsaid and he didn't know if they could handle it.

"I'm sorry." She whispered.

"I know but.."

"That's not enough?"

"No." He tried to collect his thoughts to figure out what he wanted to say but there was too much going on in his head.

"Why you said no?"

_It was a trial, you made a mistake, we know  
But why aren't you sorry, why aren't you sorry, why?  
This can be better, you used to be happy, try!  
_

"I didn't say no."

"No? So I remember I was there and I remember you didn't say yes." He got a little bit angry. There it was again. She was dancing around the real problem.

"I didn't say no but I didn't say yes either."

"Same difference."

"Logan.."

"Don't! I asked you a simple question and you couldn't give me a straight answer. This can't work if you 're not able to give me a reasonable answer."

"I was scared ok? I just graduated and didn't know what to do next and then you came and asked me to marry you in front of so many people. You caught me off the guard and.. What's gotten into you? We didn't talk about marrying and then you ask me in front of my whole family? You know me Logan. I make pro and con lists. I can't decide something like that with all eyes on me."

"Maybe this wasn't my best idea but you've got time to think and you decided to say no. So I think my name didn't have that weight on your pro/con list as I thought it would have."

"That's not true."

"No? You should try to be more specific with your answers if you want me to understand why you choose travelling around the world over living with me."

"You know me Logan. I've worked hard to make my own way. We talked about it and you said I choose and you factor me in. What has become of that?"

"That's what I said but I thought with me having a job on my own and your options in limbo _(I hope it's the right translation) _you could at least think about working in California."

"I thought about it but I didn't want to be limited in my decisions."

"Limited?" He scoffed. "That was what I was for you? Someone who hold you back? That's really good to know."

"That wasn't what I said. I.. California is so far away from my Mom and..I.."

_You've got them on your side  
They won't change their minds  
Now it's over and I'm feeling like  
We've missed out on everything  
I just hope it's worth the fight  
_

"Travelling around the whole country is different?"

"No. But I didn't have a choice either but you make me choose between you and what I want."

"I thought I was what you wanted?" He stood up didn't able to put the little pieces she threw at him together.

"You were. You still are!" She stood up making one step forward to close the distance between them tears running down her face. He urged the need to embrace her and took a step back.

"Then why it wasn't enough?" he yelled frustrated, confused and still hurt. This talk should help them to understand why all this went wrong not to make it more difficult.

_'Cause this is a battle  
And it's your final last call  
(Why'd you have to let it go?)  
It was a trial, you made a mistake, we know  
(Can't you see you hurt me so?)  
Why aren't you sorry, why aren't you sorry, why?  
Things can be better, you could be happy, try!_

"I don't know!" she yelled back through her tears. "You know how it felt when I found out there was nothing else to do for me than to take this stupid job. To find out that I threw away the best thing in my life because I thought there was more."

"So you came because it didn't work the way you wanted it to be and the second way is still better than no way?"

"No I came here to tell you that I made a mistake and I'm sorry and I don't know what else to say. I've missed you every single day and I regretted every single day that I let you walk away. I thought of you every single day and I cried every single day. I couldn't sleep every single night and I couldn't laugh. I tried to go on but I couldn't, ok? I felt miserable not only because I was alone but I left you alone. I felt not miserable because my job wasn't what I wanted but I've lost the only thing I really wanted. I came here to explain and to say I'm sorry but the only thing you do is twisting my words so you could go along blaming me, hating me or whatsoever. I've make a huge mistake I know that but why couldn't you forgive me like I forgave you?"

_'Cause this is a battle,  
This is a battle  
And it's your final last call  
'Cause this is a battle,  
This is a battle  
And it's your final last call_

_This is a battle and it's your final last call_


	10. Far away

It's done :) I hope you liked it

**Far away - Nickelback**

_This time, This place That I love you  
Misused, Mistakes I have loved you all along  
Too long, Too late And I miss you  
Who was I to make you wait have been away for far too long  
Just one chance I keep dreaming  
Just one breath you'll be with me  
Just in case there's just one left And you'll never go  
'Cause you know, Stop breathing if  
You know, you know I don't see you anymore_

_

* * *

_

"Logan?" She tried to read his expression but she couldn't. He didn't answer and he didn't move. God, why is this so complicated? She knew he still felt something for her. Why else was he showing up being jealous because she was with another man? Why else he didn't left when she asked him to stay if there is something left between the two of them?

After they walked into the house she wanted to make coffee so he could get a little sober before they would talk about the big thing hanging over their heads. But he felt asleep and she had to face a night lying next to him without knowing if everything is going to be alright. Now she was standing right in front of him crying again. She was so sick of crying and sick of apologizing. But she tried further only to get no reaction. And with any minute he continued being silent, the anger in her raised. On one hand she could understand his behavior. She did it too, after she found out he "fooled around". But on the other hand.. she had forgiven him everything. Sure, she needed to see Jess to get it and there was the accident.. but frankly.. did she need to jump off a cliff to be forgiven? She hadn't even slept with another man. Yes, she said no but she also said she loves him. Two different how-to-break-a-heart stories but they went through rough times once so why couldn't he try to make it work twice. He only had to believe her.

"Just say something ok?" She sobbed. This was really pathetic and a little bit humiliating. She felt like some of the girls who had thrown themselves at Logan only to get food and a warm bed with some extra physical attention.

"Just say you don't want to fix it and I'll go. But if you don't say anything I promise I will break down and you have to deal with a lot more than this little crying, because I can tell you there are a lot more pent-up emotions. Eight month is a long time to bottle up something."

_On my knees, I'll ask  
Last chance for one last dance  
'Cause with you, I'd withstand  
All of hell to hold your hand  
I'd give it all  
I'd give for us  
Give anything but I won't give up  
'Cause you know,  
You know, you know_

"Just say.." He held a finger on her mouth so she couldn't continue. She thought she had seen a little sparkle in his eyes but hers were blurry so she didn't know if she really saw it or if the hope let her fantasizing. But then she could see a little smile flashing over his face and she bit her lip trying to stop the hiccups which came along with her crying.

_I love you  
I have loved you all along  
And I miss you  
far away for far too long  
I keep dreaming  
you'll be with me  
And you'll never go  
Stop breathing if  
I don't see you anymore_

_So far away __(so far away)__  
far away for far too long  
So far away __(so far away)__  
been away for far too long  
But you know, you know, you know_

"So this is how it feels when someone is chasing you until you really listen, huh?" He smirked.

"What?" She asked disbelieving.

"Now I know why you acted like you acted after our first break-up." He was still smirking and she didn't understand. What the hell was he talking about?

"Are you laughing at me? Do you think this is funny?" She took a step away from him. First he is angry, then he is hurt, then jealous and now he is making fun of her?

"No Ace. Actually I'm trying to tell you that I think we should try to make it work again."

"Ace?"

"Ace!"

"I'm sorry." She took a step forward.

"I know. I'm too." He also took a step forward so there close the space between them.

"You are?"

"Yes. I shouldn't have left you standing there." He tucked a loose strange back behind her ear brushing her cheek slightly.

"I shouldn't have said no." She whispered looking at him.

"Yes you had to. And I think it's ok. Being rejected is really heart-breaking but you're here.. so I think not loving me wasn't a reason." He sighed.

"I told you I love you."

"I know. But not wanting to marry me let it sound so little.."

"We could get married someday." She leant her head on his chest and he took his arms around her "If you still want to"

He chuckled "Someday."

"I've missed you."

"I've missed you too."

_I wanted  
I wanted you to stay  
'Cause I needed  
I need to hear you say :  
That I love you  
That I have loved you all along  
And I forgive you  
For being away for far too long  
So keep breathing  
'Cause I'm not leaving you any more  
Believe it  
_

"So one last question before we leave all this mess behind. Who was the guy yesterday?"

"That was my new workmate 'Dick'"

"Dick?" She felt he was trying to choke laughing. "Like 'Dick'-dick or like 'Dick'"

"Oh, that's not funny. It's not his fault. And he is a very nice guy." She smiled.

"Some people say that about Dick Cheney too, but if you asked the lawyer he shot.."

She slapped him slightly on his chest and gave him a provocative look.

"Could you please just shut up and kiss me already?"

_Hold on to me ,  
never let me go  
Keep breathing, 'cause I'm not leaving you anymore  
Believe it  
Hold on to me and never let me go  
_


End file.
